Mother's Not Feeling Herself Today

by suzannah espie

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about

‘Mothers Not Feeling Herself Today’ explores a time in Espie’s life when everything she thought to be true fractured into tiny pieces. She says “On the 21st of February 2006 I became a Mother. Before this I was playing gigs and living a life with my musician husband that in many ways I barely remember. I was determined before I became a parent to do it all, keep making music, travel the world, be a fun, fair, nurturing mother to my deliriously happy well-adjusted children, being glamorous all the while... This was not to be.”
Eight years on, Espie decided to write about this fracture, and the new album seeks to make up for something lost, to voice her truth about motherhood. It was recorded at Enclave Facility in Fawkner with engineer Jeff Lang at the helm, with Espie’s ever loyal band ‘The Last Word’ featuring Andrew Ogburn, Sean McMahon, Chris Rogers and Dave Folley.

Suzannah Espie’s sound is an intoxicating mix of country, folk, blues and soul. A gentle, sweet trill that can move grown men to tears one moment, with an Aretha-esque hellcat belt that can raise the roof the next.
The new LP is an anticipated follow up to her breakthrough 2012 record ‘Sea of Lights’, which won Rhythms Magazine ‘Album of The Year’, was picked in The Age EGs Top 15 Albums of 2012, and placed Espie firmly on the industry’s must watch list.

credits

released September 4, 2015

Produced by Suzannah Espie
Engineered at Enclave Recording Facility Fawkner by Jeff Lang
Mixed at Yikesville by Shane O'Mara
Mastered by Casey Rice
Featuring The Last Word - Andrew Ogburn, Sean McMahon, Chris Rogers and Dave Folley, with special guests Liz Stringer, (backing vocals and guitar), Alison Ferrier (backing vocals), Garret Costigan (pedal steel guitar), Jeff Lang (electric and acoustic guitars and loops), Ian Collard (harmonica), Strings: Ceridwen Davies - Viola, Aaron Barnden - Violin, Sarah Curro - Violin, Charlotte Jacke - Violincello.

‘I’m Sorry’ was recorded with a special choir of 13 women musicians including Kylie Auldist, Liz Stringer, Tracy McNeil, Lucie Thorne, Kerri Simpson, Sara Tindley, Sarah Carroll, Rachel Tidd, Nad Budge (The Stetson
Family), Georgia Fields, Karen Davvit, Tracey Miller and Alison Ferrier

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about

suzannah espie Melbourne, Australia

Espie’s sound is an intoxicating mix of country, folk, blues, and soul. A gentle, sweet trill that can
move grown men to tears one moment, or an Aretha-esque hellcat belt that can raise the roof the next; however she
sings it though, it’s still unmistakeably Suzannah Espie

"There aren't too many songwriters able to match meaning with melody as well as Suzannah Espie"
Charles Jenkins
... more

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Track Name: What Would You Say
What Would You Say
What would you say if I said
That motherhood was not the best thing I’ve ever done
What would you say if I said
That every day I think that I might cut and run
Well I’m not saying I’m just saying
What if I said that to you
Well I’m not saying I’m just saying
I’m fine thanks, how are you?

What would you say if I said
That when I look into their eyes all I see
Is all the ways that I have failed
Count the ways the four of us are all at sea
Well I’m not saying I’m just saying What if I said that to you
Well I’m not saying I’m just saying I’m fine thanks, how are you?

Well I’m not saying I’m just singing Cause that’s what I do
Well I’m not saying I’m just saying I’m fine thanks, how are you?

I was on a road somewhere
On my way to anywhere and I could see
Tides of welcome, songs of love
All forgiveness I dreamed of in front of me
Well I’m not saying that I’m going
But what would you do if I do
Well I’m not saying I’m just saying I’m fine thanks, how are you?
Track Name: I Wish I Had a Sister
I Wish I Had a Sister
I wish I had a sister to tell my troubles to
Head on her shoulder, she’d know what to do
Cause she’d know where we came from and what we’ve been through
I wish I had a sister to tell my troubles to

I wish I had a brother, tall and strong
A fearless defender of all I’ve done wrong
Sitting in silence we’d sing our own song
I wish I had a brother, tall and strong

Let it go,Let it go,Let it go
Let it flow, Let it flow, Let it flow

I wish we were together, not so set apart
I wish that I’d been kinder, I wish for a new start
I wish that you still saw me as your favourite work of art
I wish we were together, not so set apart
Track Name: The Day I Lost You
The Day I lost You
The day that I lost you
I floated out of myself
Frozen in time
I locked away the sunshine
As the nights grew longer
I lost my hunger for the living

The day that I lost you
I blackened the blue sky
I poisoned the morning dew
I trapped the birds that flew
Cursed the waking hours
Staring at the flowers in every room

The day that I lost you
Nobody was spared
Your brother hid from view
Your sister disappeared
And in the next room
Sits your father swaying to an aching tune

The day that I lost you
I shouted at the moon
I told him that I
Would kill him with my bare hands
And I screamed and I cried
As I fell beneath a splintering sky

The day that I lost you
You were in a pink dress
With little yellow flowers
In a layer of dust
That I brushed off gently
Arranged the fabric perfectly around where you lay
Track Name: If I Knew
If I Knew
Look at me riding around like a riverboat queen
Look at you on the banks again
Look at us, the messenger line didn’t make it on time
If I knew how to fix it up I would drink it up till I drowned
If I knew how to make it right I would run all night till I found
The answer

Look at me sinking to the bottom of a river of tears
Look at you float away again
Look at us putting on a show for the passers by
If I knew how to fix it up I would drink it up till I drowned If I knew how to make it right I would run all night till I found
The answer

One step forward, two steps back
I went down to the river and I never came back
One step forward, two steps back
I went down and I never came back

Look at me raining on everybody’s parade
Look at you run for cover again
Look at us, there aint no escaping the storm that’s brewing

If I knew how to fix it up I would drink it up till I drowned If I knew how to make it right I would run all night till I found
The answer

I’m a rudderless boat
I’m a rudderless boat
I want to run aground, who’s steering this ship
I want to run aground, who’s steering this ship
Track Name: I'm Sorry
I drive
And I cry
And I chant
Chant to the rhythm of the rain

I don’t know that I know who
I know who I’m apologising to
But I know, I know for sure
What I’m apologising for

I’m sorry, I’ve failed I’m sorry, I’ve failed
I don’t know if I will fight
I don’t know if I will take flight
But I know that I am primed
Primed for battle tonight

I’m sorry, I’ve failed
I’m sorry, I’ve failed
Track Name: Hands on the Wheel
At a time when the world seems to be spinning hopelessly out of control There’s deceivers and believers and old in-betweeners that seem to have no place to go

It’s the same old song, it’s right and it’s wrong
And living is just something that I do
And with no place too hide I looked in your eyes
And I found myself in you

I looked to the stars, tried all of the bars
And I’ve nearly gone up in smoke
Now my hand’s on the wheel of something that’s real
And I feel like I’m going home

In the shade of an oak down by the river sit an old woman and a girl
Setting sail, spinning tails, fishing for whales with the menfolk that they both enjoy

It’s the same old tune, it’s the man in the moon
It’s the way that I feel about you
And with no place too hide I looked in your eyes
And I found myself in you

I looked to the stars, tried all of the bars
And I’ve nearly gone up in smoke
Now my hand’s on the wheel of something that’s real
And I feel like I’m going home
Track Name: Catalina Blue
Looming trouble all around
Shutters fast, ratchet down
Big old cloud battleship grey
Carried me away

Hold you close drink you in
Bring me back from where I’ve been
Stormless, still, just for now
See me through somehow

I lost my way now I’m alright
I lay down my sword, gave up the fight
And just like that I can see
I can see the colours in the sky

Dusty green whistling trees
Fold a fellow silver breeze
Hold my hand, angel sway
Carry me away
Float me down a trembling stream
Slowly fall into a dream
Tender heart, here and now
Take me up somehow

Chorus

Oh if I could dive into
Those eyes of Catalina Blue
I was just a ghost nobody could see
But I’m filled with love tonight
Track Name: Mother's Not Feeling Herself Today
Stop making all that noise, put away your toys
Cause Mother’s not feeling herself today
Just let me lay my head here on this unmade bed
Oh Mother’s not feeling herself today
I can see that you wanna talk but I need to take a walk
Oh Mother’s not feeling herself today
So turn on that tv, don’t ask no more of me
Oh Mother’s not feeling herself today

I need some time to sit and think, pour myself another drink
And ponder on a life gone astray
Here I sit with a broken heart while the world makes it’s mark
Oh Mother’s not feeling herself today
All the things I coulda seen but I’m just Mrs Might Have Been
A world of dreams just up and blown away
Just think of what you put me through every time I look at you
Oh Mother’s not feeling herself today
Track Name: Another Day in the Park
It’s a beautiful day just like any other
Standing in the park a girl and her mother
The mother she aches for some salvation
Or even just an honest conversation, she thinks
Who is it said we could have it all
I don’t see how I can have it all at all
I believe that we’ve been sold a lie
I can’t do it all no matter how hard I try
She looks into the other women’s eyes
Searching for a glimmer she can recognise
And as all of the mothers are nobly smiling she wonders
Inside are you crushed do you feel like crying
And as the planes fly overhead she is yearning
And her weary legs are restless to run

She longs to plunge into this life without resistance
To wake up each day and need no more than this existence, she thinks They say that it’s a sacred calling
They say that I am falling
Into a life of willful transgression
Turning into an unnatural woman
But I look to the sky and I dream of the music
Then force myself to pay attention
And I feel so ashamed of the way that I do it
And I wonder what the would say if they knew it

The little girl runs with arms open wide
And a smile as big as her big blue eyes
The mother’s fears for a moment subside
Make way for a heart that surges with pride, she thinks
My last day on earth, I’d spend it with you
A week, a month, a decade or two
But there are some things I want to do
I don’t need it all, just a little will do
And I have a dream that I’ll see the day
I’m on the road when I’m wrinkled and grey
And I’ll look back and be able to say
I’m glad I raised my children that way
And until then I’ll fall in with this path that I walk
Between the lies and the truth, the light and the dark
It’s just another day in the park
It’s just another day in the park
Me and my divided heart