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Mother's Not Feeling Herself Today

by suzannah espie

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1.
What Would You Say What would you say if I said That motherhood was not the best thing I’ve ever done What would you say if I said That every day I think that I might cut and run Well I’m not saying I’m just saying What if I said that to you Well I’m not saying I’m just saying I’m fine thanks, how are you? What would you say if I said That when I look into their eyes all I see Is all the ways that I have failed Count the ways the four of us are all at sea Well I’m not saying I’m just saying What if I said that to you Well I’m not saying I’m just saying I’m fine thanks, how are you? Well I’m not saying I’m just singing Cause that’s what I do Well I’m not saying I’m just saying I’m fine thanks, how are you? I was on a road somewhere On my way to anywhere and I could see Tides of welcome, songs of love All forgiveness I dreamed of in front of me Well I’m not saying that I’m going But what would you do if I do Well I’m not saying I’m just saying I’m fine thanks, how are you?
2.
I Wish I Had a Sister I wish I had a sister to tell my troubles to Head on her shoulder, she’d know what to do Cause she’d know where we came from and what we’ve been through I wish I had a sister to tell my troubles to I wish I had a brother, tall and strong A fearless defender of all I’ve done wrong Sitting in silence we’d sing our own song I wish I had a brother, tall and strong Let it go,Let it go,Let it go Let it flow, Let it flow, Let it flow I wish we were together, not so set apart I wish that I’d been kinder, I wish for a new start I wish that you still saw me as your favourite work of art I wish we were together, not so set apart
3.
The Day I lost You The day that I lost you I floated out of myself Frozen in time I locked away the sunshine As the nights grew longer I lost my hunger for the living The day that I lost you I blackened the blue sky I poisoned the morning dew I trapped the birds that flew Cursed the waking hours Staring at the flowers in every room The day that I lost you Nobody was spared Your brother hid from view Your sister disappeared And in the next room Sits your father swaying to an aching tune The day that I lost you I shouted at the moon I told him that I Would kill him with my bare hands And I screamed and I cried As I fell beneath a splintering sky The day that I lost you You were in a pink dress With little yellow flowers In a layer of dust That I brushed off gently Arranged the fabric perfectly around where you lay
4.
If I Knew 05:52
If I Knew Look at me riding around like a riverboat queen Look at you on the banks again Look at us, the messenger line didn’t make it on time If I knew how to fix it up I would drink it up till I drowned If I knew how to make it right I would run all night till I found The answer Look at me sinking to the bottom of a river of tears Look at you float away again Look at us putting on a show for the passers by If I knew how to fix it up I would drink it up till I drowned If I knew how to make it right I would run all night till I found The answer One step forward, two steps back I went down to the river and I never came back One step forward, two steps back I went down and I never came back Look at me raining on everybody’s parade Look at you run for cover again Look at us, there aint no escaping the storm that’s brewing If I knew how to fix it up I would drink it up till I drowned If I knew how to make it right I would run all night till I found The answer I’m a rudderless boat I’m a rudderless boat I want to run aground, who’s steering this ship I want to run aground, who’s steering this ship
5.
I'm Sorry 04:43
I drive And I cry And I chant Chant to the rhythm of the rain I don’t know that I know who I know who I’m apologising to But I know, I know for sure What I’m apologising for I’m sorry, I’ve failed I’m sorry, I’ve failed I don’t know if I will fight I don’t know if I will take flight But I know that I am primed Primed for battle tonight I’m sorry, I’ve failed I’m sorry, I’ve failed
6.
At a time when the world seems to be spinning hopelessly out of control There’s deceivers and believers and old in-betweeners that seem to have no place to go It’s the same old song, it’s right and it’s wrong And living is just something that I do And with no place too hide I looked in your eyes And I found myself in you I looked to the stars, tried all of the bars And I’ve nearly gone up in smoke Now my hand’s on the wheel of something that’s real And I feel like I’m going home In the shade of an oak down by the river sit an old woman and a girl Setting sail, spinning tails, fishing for whales with the menfolk that they both enjoy It’s the same old tune, it’s the man in the moon It’s the way that I feel about you And with no place too hide I looked in your eyes And I found myself in you I looked to the stars, tried all of the bars And I’ve nearly gone up in smoke Now my hand’s on the wheel of something that’s real And I feel like I’m going home
7.
Looming trouble all around Shutters fast, ratchet down Big old cloud battleship grey Carried me away Hold you close drink you in Bring me back from where I’ve been Stormless, still, just for now See me through somehow I lost my way now I’m alright I lay down my sword, gave up the fight And just like that I can see I can see the colours in the sky Dusty green whistling trees Fold a fellow silver breeze Hold my hand, angel sway Carry me away Float me down a trembling stream Slowly fall into a dream Tender heart, here and now Take me up somehow Chorus Oh if I could dive into Those eyes of Catalina Blue I was just a ghost nobody could see But I’m filled with love tonight
8.
9.
Stop making all that noise, put away your toys Cause Mother’s not feeling herself today Just let me lay my head here on this unmade bed Oh Mother’s not feeling herself today I can see that you wanna talk but I need to take a walk Oh Mother’s not feeling herself today So turn on that tv, don’t ask no more of me Oh Mother’s not feeling herself today I need some time to sit and think, pour myself another drink And ponder on a life gone astray Here I sit with a broken heart while the world makes it’s mark Oh Mother’s not feeling herself today All the things I coulda seen but I’m just Mrs Might Have Been A world of dreams just up and blown away Just think of what you put me through every time I look at you Oh Mother’s not feeling herself today
10.
It’s a beautiful day just like any other Standing in the park a girl and her mother The mother she aches for some salvation Or even just an honest conversation, she thinks Who is it said we could have it all I don’t see how I can have it all at all I believe that we’ve been sold a lie I can’t do it all no matter how hard I try She looks into the other women’s eyes Searching for a glimmer she can recognise And as all of the mothers are nobly smiling she wonders Inside are you crushed do you feel like crying And as the planes fly overhead she is yearning And her weary legs are restless to run She longs to plunge into this life without resistance To wake up each day and need no more than this existence, she thinks They say that it’s a sacred calling They say that I am falling Into a life of willful transgression Turning into an unnatural woman But I look to the sky and I dream of the music Then force myself to pay attention And I feel so ashamed of the way that I do it And I wonder what the would say if they knew it The little girl runs with arms open wide And a smile as big as her big blue eyes The mother’s fears for a moment subside Make way for a heart that surges with pride, she thinks My last day on earth, I’d spend it with you A week, a month, a decade or two But there are some things I want to do I don’t need it all, just a little will do And I have a dream that I’ll see the day I’m on the road when I’m wrinkled and grey And I’ll look back and be able to say I’m glad I raised my children that way And until then I’ll fall in with this path that I walk Between the lies and the truth, the light and the dark It’s just another day in the park It’s just another day in the park Me and my divided heart

about

‘Mothers Not Feeling Herself Today’ explores a time in Espie’s life when everything she thought to be true fractured into tiny pieces. She says “On the 21st of February 2006 I became a Mother. Before this I was playing gigs and living a life with my musician husband that in many ways I barely remember. I was determined before I became a parent to do it all, keep making music, travel the world, be a fun, fair, nurturing mother to my deliriously happy well-adjusted children, being glamorous all the while... This was not to be.”
Eight years on, Espie decided to write about this fracture, and the new album seeks to make up for something lost, to voice her truth about motherhood. It was recorded at Enclave Facility in Fawkner with engineer Jeff Lang at the helm, with Espie’s ever loyal band ‘The Last Word’ featuring Andrew Ogburn, Sean McMahon, Chris Rogers and Dave Folley.

Suzannah Espie’s sound is an intoxicating mix of country, folk, blues and soul. A gentle, sweet trill that can move grown men to tears one moment, with an Aretha-esque hellcat belt that can raise the roof the next.
The new LP is an anticipated follow up to her breakthrough 2012 record ‘Sea of Lights’, which won Rhythms Magazine ‘Album of The Year’, was picked in The Age EGs Top 15 Albums of 2012, and placed Espie firmly on the industry’s must watch list.

credits

released September 4, 2015

Produced by Suzannah Espie
Engineered at Enclave Recording Facility Fawkner by Jeff Lang
Mixed at Yikesville by Shane O'Mara
Mastered by Casey Rice
Featuring The Last Word - Andrew Ogburn, Sean McMahon, Chris Rogers and Dave Folley, with special guests Liz Stringer, (backing vocals and guitar), Alison Ferrier (backing vocals), Garret Costigan (pedal steel guitar), Jeff Lang (electric and acoustic guitars and loops), Ian Collard (harmonica), Strings: Ceridwen Davies - Viola, Aaron Barnden - Violin, Sarah Curro - Violin, Charlotte Jacke - Violincello.

‘I’m Sorry’ was recorded with a special choir of 13 women musicians including Kylie Auldist, Liz Stringer, Tracy McNeil, Lucie Thorne, Kerri Simpson, Sara Tindley, Sarah Carroll, Rachel Tidd, Nad Budge (The Stetson
Family), Georgia Fields, Karen Davvit, Tracey Miller and Alison Ferrier

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about

suzannah espie Melbourne, Australia

Espie’s sound is an intoxicating mix of country, folk, blues, and soul. A gentle, sweet trill that can
move grown men to tears one moment, or an Aretha-esque hellcat belt that can raise the roof the next; however she
sings it though, it’s still unmistakeably Suzannah Espie

"There aren't too many songwriters able to match meaning with melody as well as Suzannah Espie"
Charles Jenkins
... more

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